Pictures and Words

I got up this morning, stepped over the remaining party-guests, who were sleeping in random locations around my house, and went downstairs to quickly check the meat before breakfast. At MeatGirl’s behest, I took the camera, “Just in case there’s something worth documenting”.

I found something worth documenting.

Nothing amiss here...or is there!?

Wait a second…

Something's wrong...

HOLY CRAP IT'S GONE

The official reaction of the StinkyPete team. (StinkyPete, left; MeatGirl, right.)

Less than 12 hours into the project, and already a piece of meat has been stolen! We are now down to two pieces of pork steak. The bolognaise sauce and kangaroo steak looks untouched, but that’s not really surprising me, because it looks pretty unappealing.

MeatGirl suspects a feral cat. I shall be back later today with today’s full update – in the meantime, I’m going to do a search around for the missing meat!

Later today: The first official check-in.

Hello! My name is Peter C. Hayward, and tonight I left my own New Years Eve party early, to place some meat in my back yard. Over the next month, I will document the decomposition of this meat! It shall be a fun time for all!

The knowledge that those cute little doves will be covered in rotting meat in a few days brings me far too much joy.

See that plate? That plate, as I’m typing this, is covered in meat and sitting in my back yard, ready for whatever 2009 has to bring, which could vary from “maggots” to “neighbour complaints.”

That specific plate design (it’s a plate, what else is there to talk about?) is known as a “Willow Pattern Plate”; it’s the type of plate my family has always owned, the type of plate that I ate on for the first 18 years of my life. The pattern on the plate is a picture of a story about an old man trying to stop his daughter and her lover getting together – they turn into doves to escape him*. I do not know why it is such a popular plate design, but it’s all over the place.
*special thanks to MeatGirl for the story summary.

I went out and bought that plate specifically for the experiment, because I don’t think anyone will want to eat off the StinkyPlate at the end of the month.

Early start:

I was at my annual New Years Eve party, and when midnight struck it occurred to me that I didn’t want to wait until daylight to launch StinkyPete. I wanted to get this experiment started as soon as possible! I went to the freezer, took out the meat, and spent a full ten minutes trying to remove it all from its packaging. Frozen meat does not like being separated from the plastic containers it lives in. The result?

Dad's Spaghetti Bolognaise™ is up the top, the Kangaroo Steak is on the right-hand side, and the rest is Pork Steak.

As you can see, the Kangaroo Steak and Dad’s Spaghetti Bolognaise™ have particularly kept the shape of their containers. I broke the Pork Steak into two separate pieces; was going to break it into a third, but it was too tough for my womanly arms. I suspect that once it has defrosted, it will break up by itself. The bolognaise sauce will turn into a liquid, and hopefully not too much will fall off the edge of the plate.

The Kangaroo Steak will stay in pretty much the same shape.

Meat in place, I went outside, and placed the StinkyPlate.

It was pitch dark when I took this photo. I hope the camera's flash did not alert the neighbours.

I have placed the plate against the fence, as far away from the house as possible. If you missed Tuesday’s post: I’m rotting the meat in my own back yard, as far away from my house as possible, on a fence that adjoins a privately-owned park, which seems to be exclusively used for drunk people to stand in, and yell incoherently until we call the police. They also use the bench in the park for sleeping on.

Oh, shit, I hope that a drunk, yelling man doesn’t steal my plate of delicious raw meat. Perhaps security measures will be needed?

I realised, looking at my photo to make sure that the StinkyPlate actually appeared in the shot somewhere, that this may well be the least offensive that this plate gets. In a few days time, if previous experiments are anything to go by, the meat will look and smell quite horrible. In a week or two, prolonged contact will make me physically sick. So before any of this happens, I thought I’d get a bit more close and personal with it.

I am also the one taking this photo, which is why the angle is not all that it could be.

I thought that I’d take this last chance to lick it without making myself physically ill.

It tasted surprisingly unpleasant. Frozen, raw meat: not that appetising!

The red on my mouth is pizza, from the NYE party I was half-way through.

I think I’ll try to duplicate this photo every day. Stench Vs. Willpower, see how long it takes. Perhaps in future photos, I won’t actually dip my hair in the meat.

I could hear some of the neighbours having a party, and hoped that they didn’t look out their window at the exact moment that the flash went off. It would not only look quite odd, but probably clue them in that something was a bit odd. My aim at this point is to prove one of my party-goers wrong, and last for more than “5 days, 6 days tops.”

Anyway, my New Years Eve party is still going – a game of Guitar Hero: World Tour has just spontaneously broken out, and some more guests have arrived. I’m going to go and rejoin the party! I’ll be back during the daylight hours, to see how the meat is going.

Later today: The meat, probably defrosted!