Pictures and Words

Hello! My name is Peter C. Hayward, and I have set up an elaborate security system to watch a plate of meat in my back yard.

"Awww," said MeatGirl when she first saw this. "It looks like a little robot is peeking out."

If you’re new, here’s a summary – I’ve put a plate of meat in my back yard. Unsurprisingly (to everyone but me, it seems) the meat isn’t lasting long enough to chronicle the rotting – animals keep on stealing it. For security purposes I’ve taken an old camera I don’t use, and set it up in the back yard. I went out and bought a wireless video transmitter, so that the camera could transmit directly to a VCR in my loungeroom. Whenever I’m not awake and near the TV, I shall use this VCR to record the footage, and review it the next day.

A few people have commented with questions:

Jen asks:

Will you need a light out there also, so the camera can actually see stuff?

The camera has a “nightshot” mode. I’m hoping that will be enough, because I think that adding a light will attract too much attention. Thus far my meat project has managed to stay under the radar; literally lighting up the StinkyPlate would not help in that regard.

“mckeekee” over at the livejournal mirror asks:

Okay, I have been wondering why you have set the plate on the ground. Why not on a table or some type of stand? Also, why not put some type of cage around it?

Originally, I really didn’t think the meat would be stolen as much as it had. I thought that if it survived the first day or two, it would be too unpleasant for any animals to touch. I was obviously wrong – the meat has been disappearing at a ridiculous rate. Whoever stole some on the first day probably went and told all of their friends, and now they just wait there for me to put more out.

Why not put it on a table? Well, that would make it too difficult for insects to get to it. The insects are one of the most interesting parts of this project; without them, the first few days would just be photos of meat. It takes a while to decompose, and even that is largely due to the insects. (flies, and by extension maggots, would probably still be able to get onto a table, now that I think about it.)

Also: if it was on a table, it would be really, really obvious. I’m trying not to attract too much attention with this. Tables are pretty obvious.

Why not put it in a cage? Well, actually, I’ve got a cage, in case the meat keeps on disappearing. But at the moment, I’m really curious as to which animal is stealing the meat – aphephobia (on the LJ feed) has a friend who thinks that it’s crows or ravens or magpies, Cannibal Kate theorises that it’s some kind of domestic animal. I’m still in favour of the “possum” theory.

Email I got from my Dad yesterday:

DSS (Dear Stupid Son)
Of course the meat will disappear if you leave it out on a plate in the open. It may be taken by the boogie man or was it a banshee or maybe it has been taken by animal (those things on four legs). It could be a cat or a dog or a possum (possums are omnivores)
So the camera will not protect it nor will the meat protect the camera
So on Tuesday when I come down to take the vegetarian home I will lend you the old the old cage from the guinea pigs.
Lots of love dear old Dad

“The Vegetarian” refers to my sister, who you all know as MeatGirl. She’s going back home for a week or so, but will be returning towards the end of the experiment.

Left: The extension cable before Cannibal Kate and MeatGirl got to work. Right: After.

The main concern with the camera/wireless transmitter set-up is hiding everything. I don’t want anyone strolling by to be able to clearly see what I’ve got down there. The fact that my extension power cord is orange does not help at all.

While I was setting up the camera, Cannibal Kate and MeatGirl took the lawn-clippings left by the mower the other day, and used them to camoflauge the cord. It’s obvious if you’re looking for it, but if you didn’t know it was there, you probably wouldn’t notice it. Good job, ladies!

Yellow: the new invisible!

While they were doing that, I got the camera into place. When it’s sitting on that box, it picks up a great view of the meat and everything around it. A handy multi-adapter means that we don’t have to disguise two cords from the house.

The second concern (after security) is preventing the equipment from getting wet.

I don’t know if the rest of the world has them, but as part of the “Let’s save the environment” campaign, supermarkets offer green bags as an alternative to plastic bags. They’re a dollar each, and they’re reuseable – using them means less rubbish, fewer landfills, more food for orphans, etc etc.

The trouble is, I always forget to take the reuseable bags that I’ve bought, so for a long time I would just buy new green bags every time. We have a whole cupboard full of them.

They’re fairly waterproof though, so I put everything except the camera into a green bag, put it inside the box, and put the box onto a piece of wood I found. I think this will provide adequate waterproofing.

Perhaps people will confuse the big yellow box for a leaf.

To waterproof the camera, we wrapped it in a garbage bag, except for the lense. This was actually quite an effective camoflauge, so I wrapped the rest of the box in a garbage bag as well.

Believe it or not, this is NOT just a photo of an empty patch of grass.

It isn’t invisible, which would be the ideal, but it does look like someone’s just left an empty garbage bag out. Hopefully this will not arouse anyone’s suspicion!

I have managed to hide the whole ensemble behind a part of the fence that has vines growing on it. The final result should be mostly invisible from the park – if anyone comes up to investigate the plate of meat, they’ll probably see it, but if that happens I’ll capture them on camera.

Having set everything up, I arranged the camera, made sure that it could see the plate, and then turned it on…

…except it didn’t turn on.

I unplugged and replugged everything for about half an hour, and it seems that the problem is with the extension cable itself. My Dad is visiting at the moment, and he’s a whiz with electronics, so I’ll get him to have a look at it. I should get it all working later tonight, I’ll update tomorrow with details.

Up next: The daily check-in!

Hello! My name is Peter C. Hayward, and I’ve been keeping local animals well-fed lately.

You could use these StinkyPlate photos as pie charts.

I took the above photo at about midnight – we’re down to three meats now. The Kangaroo Steak is still mostly there, there’s some bolognaise sauce, and a single sausage. But most of the plate is empty.

I think the problem is that the meats have been too solid, and too tasty. The Cheerios were quite nice, the Pork Steak got a full 8/10 for taste…

The solution?

SPAM. Cost: $6.50 (from a convenience store)

SPAM was suggested by commenter RIUM+ as a meat replacement:

It’d be interesting to see if the spam goes bad at all with all its preservatives, or if any animals/bugs will touch it.

I’d never actually had SPAM before, so I opened up a can and tried some.

I was unimpressed.

It’s not actually too bad. The initial taste almost had me spit it back out again, but after a few bites, you adjust to it. It’s sitting next me as I type this, and I keep grabbing a spoon. I’m starting to get used to it. I…

Okay, it’s still pretty bad. It really sits in your stomach, too. I would be disgusted but not entirely surprised if it came out the other end the exact same colour and texture as it went in.

Scores:

Meal rating – 4/10 – with a salad or something, maybe. The box seems to suggest putting it on a burger, which could work…but by itself, it’s pretty foul.
Steak rating – 1/10 – SPAM is a terrible steak.

Average score – 2.5/10. Checking back, this is the lowest score out of all the meats. The lowest before this was the Kangaroo Steak, at 3, and that’s almost stayed in one piece – perhaps this is a good sign?

Thank goodness for the Poking Stick!

When I got down there, I discovered another problem – the damned SPAM wouldn’t come out of its can. I poked and wiggled and tapped and negotiated, but I eventually had to physically spoon it out of the can with the Poking Stick. Is it vacuum sealed or something?

So a can of SPAM has now joined the few remaining pieces of meat. I placed it there at about half past midnight, the same time as the other meats, but I forgot to freeze it first. I don’t know if that will make a difference.

So here’s the updated StinkyPlate, taken from a crazy artistic angle.

I wonder how long it'll retain the shape of the can...

Any predictions as to what will happen to the SPAM?

Up next: Implementing security measures!

EDIT: I forgot to mention, the stuff smells. It’s a really strong, distinct smell, which will automatically rocket the stench-o-meter up to about 2. Of course, knowing my luck, the smell will probably fade almost instantaneously.

Hello! My name is Peter C. Hayward, and for a bit over 96 hours, a plate of meat has been sitting in my back yard.

It looks a bit like I'm throwing up. I am actually sniffing the StinkyPlate. For science!

First things first; a bit of housekeeping.

“aphephobia” over at the livejournal mirror informs me that

That “carnivorous bug” is an earwig, one of two things I am absolutely shitscared of. I think, judging from the pinchers, that one’s female. They’re apparently omnivores, and I’ve seen them eating everything from carrion (and cat food) and flowers to whatever’s in my guinea pig hutch– they seem to like dry wood, but they’ll come out and explore for more food if teh urge grabs them.

Well, teh urge seems to have grabbed them: I found another one. The Kangaroo Steak was ripped in half (or perhaps there were always two pieces?) – one piece is still on the plate, the other is about half a metre away.

I imagine that an animal started to steal it, then got about 1.5 metres before changing its mind.

Tonight, when I was poking the meat, and taking the daily photos, I noticed a bug on the errant piece of Kangaroo Steak. A close-up seems to reveal that it is, in fact, another earwig:

At least, I think it's another earwig. I'm no bugspert.

When I was young, I was raised on on Enid Blyton books; fear of earwigs was a recurring theme. I had no idea that we actually had them in Australia, and actually wondered if it was another name for “Cockroach”.

Earwig is a pretty strange name for an insect, when you think about it. Since when is having a bald ear something that needs to be covered up? How do these strange little carnivorous insects enter into the matter? It shall forever remain a mystery, I suppose. (or at least until any passing etymologists clear it up)

“RIUM+” has exciting news for StinkyPlate fans:

my Mum has prepared a space and bought a plate hanger for when this project is finished. There is an empty portion on the kitchen wall that will immortalise the StinkyPlate forever, once it has served its job in this important experiment. For Science!

RIUM+, your mother is suitably keen. Everyone else, take notes. You could learn a lot.

Hey, you can see the pattern!

Today’s stats:

Weather – normal – I was actually quite busy most of today, and I forgot to take much note of the weather. I think it was a fairly standard day – I don’t remember being particularly hot or cold, and judging by the look of the StinkyPlate, I don’t think that it rained. I’ll try to pay closer attention to the weather in the future.

Number of meats – 4 – this is terrible. I have no idea how the original StinkyMeat project managed to keep all its meats until the 10th day. I’m up to day 4, and already I’ve lost 12. Tip for next time: choose less appealing meats?

Stench – 0 – nothing, nada, zip. Not a single particle of stench to be found. Not even the smell of cheerios! I sniffed this plate for quite a while, and couldn’t smell a thing. This is the least stinky meat-related experiment in existence.
Stench radius – 0

StinkyPete indeed…

The four remaining meats.

Individual meat stats:

Kangaroo Steak:

Toughness – 10/10 – poking the Kangaroo Steak today, I was impressed. It’s done it. It’s managed to become even tougher than yesterday. Today, the Kangaroo Steak reached the absolute pinnacle of toughness. I cannot imagine a tougher meat.
Popularity – 2/10 - this would have been zero – there were absolutely no ants interested in Kanga, and the flies that sort of looked like they were on it had clearly just been pushed off the bolognaise sauce, but the piece of Kangaroo Steak that’s not on the StinkyPlate had an earwig, which has to count for something.
Appeal – 8.5/10 – I worked out what the Kangaroo Steak is reminding me of: A piece of Jim’s Jerky. Jim’s Jerky is a beef jerky company run by my friend’s family – I had never enjoyed jerky until I tried theirs; it’s not as salty as most brands, I think it uses more spices (it’s based on a South African recipe) and it’s absolutely delicious. I’m not suggesting that the Kangaroo Steak will taste like beef jerky, but it sure is starting to resemble it.

Pork Steak:

GONE

Dad’s Bolognaise Sauce:

Toughness – 1/10 – it’s regained the slight crust that it had on Day 2. I suspect that is because it didn’t rain today.
Popularity – 6/10 – flies are going absolutely crazy for the sauce. No ants seem to be interested, but the flies more than make up for it.
Appeal – 4/10 – the bolognaise sauce is actually much more appealing when dry. It reminds me of meatballs, which I love. Strangely, it doesn’t really put me in the mind of spaghetti bolognaise, which I love even more.

Two little sausages:

Toughness – 8/10 – just as tough as they were yesterday.
Popularity – 5/10 – the ants are still keen, but no interest from any other bugs.
Appeal – 5/10 – without their skins, the sausages are quite unpleasant-looking. Hey, here’s a question – do you think the ants actually ate the skins, or did they dissolve in the rain, or what? The skins were there one minute, gone the next…

While we’re on the subject of meat-related mysteries, I found this bug in one of tonights photos:

What is it?

It doesn’t look like an earwig to me, but it’s not an ant, and I don’t think it’s a cockroach. Any ideas?

I am fairly sure that it is not a dog, but beyond that, I’m stumped.

I have a video to share with you, but the plan is to share it on a day that not much else happens. I’m starting to suspect that that day will never come. Link banners and 100×100 avatars in the next few days. Tomorrow, we’re building us a security system!

Daily "Head-in-meat" shot.

I’m not far away because of the (non-existant) smell, it’s because of the plethora of insects. I’m too nervous to get much closer than that.

Tomorrow: More meat!

Hello! My name is Peter C. Hayward, and today’s update is late because I occasionally have a life outside of the plate of meat currently sitting in my back yard.

You can see that a bit of the bolognaise sauce has fallen off the plate.

The rumours are true. We’re down to only a few pieces of meat. Amazingly, since the above photo was taken at 5pm, another 3 sausages have been taken. There are now only two pieces of the original meat remaining – the entirely unpopular Kangaroo Steak, and half of the spaghetti bolognaise. What’s more, all but two of the red sausages have completely disappeared.

Since we started, we have lost 12 of the 16 meats. Clearly something needs to be done.

Enter my old video camera:

Camera Value: almost worthless.

It’s a lovely little video camera, and I would still use it all the time, except that it’s not HD, and (more importantly) it doesn’t actually record any more. It can still capture images, it just has no way of permanently recording them to tape. I would have thrown it out years ago, but (fortunately) I’m a chronic hoarder.

Because I never throw anything away, I also have its power cord and AV cable, and a VCR:

VCR Value: $10 at a garage sale, maybe? Cords (not pictured) valued at around $10, maybe $20.

Any kids reading this: VCR stands for “Video Cassette Recorder”. They were what movies came on before DVD was invented. They were also used to beat up dinosaurs. Hitler had one.

The plan: hide a video camera in my back yard, hook it up to the VCR, and record the footage! At last, the Mystery of the Stolen Meat will be solved! Currently the biggest suspects in the case are neighbourhood cats, neighbourhood dogs, and possums (another native Australian animal – perhaps patriotic solidarity is the reason that the Kangaroo Steak hasn’t been touched yet.)

I immediately realised three distinct problems with this plan:

1. The problem of electricity: How do I stop the camera from running out of battery and turning off?
2. The problem of security: How do I prevent the camera from being stolen?
3. The problem of transmission: How do I get the video from the camera to the VCR?

I decided to go down to my local eletronics shop, and see if they could help me. The bored teenager* in the “Home Entertainment” section asked me if I needed any help.

*he wouldn’t let me take a photo. Not even when I told him that it was to put on the internet, for strangers to look at.

“Yes,” I told him, “I’m after a long AV cord.”

“How long did you need it?” he asked, moving towards the wall of cords. He wasn’t chewing gum, but everything in his tone suggested that he wished he was.

“Around 50 metres?”

Had he been chewing on gum, he would have undoubtedly choked on it. He wasn’t, so he didn’t – instead, he literally stopped walking and did a double take.

“50 metres!?”

Apparently they don’t make AV cords in 50m length – I was told that I could get one custom-made, but even then, the length of the cord would render the footage worthless. Disappointed, and hoping that I wouldn’t have to entirely scrap my plans for an overly elaborate security system, I asked if he could suggest any alternatives.

Crest, don't fail me now! (don't they make toothpaste?)

I am now the proud owner of a $100 Wireless TV Receiver and Transmitter. To ensure it worked, I pulled everything out of the box…

…laughed at the instructions on the power cords…

…and proceeded to set it up, to make sure that everything worked:

Filming MeatGirl as she reads a Jane Austen novel.

How’s it looking?

Success!

So, as you can see, the receiver works perfectly when it’s less than 2 metres away from the transmitter!

Tomorrow: Testing the equipment at a range greater than 2 metres, and implementing security measures! (for the camera and receiver, not the meat.)

I would have done all this tonight, but instead we went around to the house of Cannibal Kate’s parents for dinner. We had a delicious curry, prepared by her father, and I carefully avoided talking about rotting meat at the dinner table.

Up next: The daily check-in!