Pictures and Words

Hello! My name is Peter C. Hayward, and this is the final post of the original StinkyPete experiment.

Meet the last member of the character cast for StinkyPete - "MeatBoy", my little brother.

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, I’m calling it quits for the StinkyPete project. Why? Well, have a look at the daily meat photo, snapped just a few minutes ago:

I admit that I'm amused; every other meat has disappeared, the bolognaise sauce has been all but licked off the plate, and still the Kangaroo Steak remains untouched.

But don’t panic! Tomorrow, I’m starting a new project: StinkyPete 1.5

StinkyPete 1.5 will be, as the name suggests, quite similar to this project (which is retroactively being named “StinkyPete 1.0″)Instead of simply sitting the meat the ground, I plan to construct a cage around the StinkyPlates.

StinkyPlates?

That’s right! If you’ve been following this experiment from the beginning, you’ll know that as well as the 3 meats I started with – Pork Steak, Kangaroo Steak and Dad’s Bolognaise Sauce, I had to add two more (to replace the originals, which kept getting stolen.) I added Cheerios on Day 2, and SPAM on Day 4.

For StinkyPete 1.5, I’ve decided to include every meat from the beginning – it will allow us to see how fast SPAM deteriorates directly compared to the others, for example. There’s no way they’re all going to fit on one plate (just the original meats barely fit on one) so I have purchased a second, identical plate, and will be covering it in meat and placing it alongside the original StinkyPlate.

MeatGirl went home today, so she won’t be on board for StinkyPete 1.5 until later in the month. The basic rules will be the same, I’ll continue to rate everything based on the same scores, and the experiment will still end on the 31st of January (so that I can start my February project on the first of February.)

So to wrap things up, here are the final scores for the meats of the original StinkyPete project. I still haven’t decided what to do with the Kangaroo Steak. If there’s anyone who is willing to eat it, I will happily take photos of you doing so. StinkyDad, who is a nurse, said “It would probably be okay, just a bit dry,” but that is not official medical recommendation or advice. Please consult your local practitioner before eating a piece of raw Kangaroo Steak that has been sitting outside for 6 days.

General Stats:

Weather – dry – another day just like yesterday. Nothing interesting – no rain, no snow, no hail. Postmen would have had it easy today.

Number of meats – 1 – I’m not even going to count the bolognaise sauce. No,  it seems that animals will steal and consume anything, as long as it’s not a piece of kangaroo steak. That’s not quite the lesson I set out to learn, but it’s a valuable lesson nonetheless!

Stench – 0
Stench radius – 0m

Considering the project was named after the Stench, the results were appalling the whole week. Let’s hope that StinkyPete 1.5 yields some horrible, smelly results!

Kangaroo Steak:

Toughness – 9/10
Popularity – 0/10
Appeal – 8.5/10 – I should probably be put off by the fact that animals are actively avoiding this, but I’m not. It looks like delicious jerky.

Pork Steak:

GONE

Dad’s Spaghetti Bolognaise:

Toughness – 9/10 – all that’s left is caked onto the plate. If you were wondering, I’m not planning on washing it before StinkyPete 1.5 – the meat will just go down on top of it.
Popularity – 0/10
Appeal – 2/10 – I would have to lick it off the plate. When you’re starving to death, maybe that’s all you need to live another day, but I somehow doubt it would provide the necessary nutrition.

Wall of Saveloy:

GONE

Can o’ SPAM:

GONE

So, what have we learned from StinkyPete?

1. If you leave meat on a plate in your back yard, animals will steal it.
2. Unless it is Kangaroo Steak.
3. Cats eat SPAM.
4. Even when it’s covered in ants.
5. Earwigs exist in Australia!
6. Vegetarians don’t block aerial signal.
7. Ants love SPAM, Cheerios and Pork Steak, but not Bolognaise Sauce.
8. Tastiness roughly correlates with popularity.
9. SPAM is unpleasant to eat.
10. Giraffes are gay.

If I’ve missed anything, leave it in the comments; what lessons have you learned from StinkyPete?

The final "Daily Head-in-meat shot". It was good while it lasted!

Thanks, everyone, for being part of the first StinkyPete project. I hope you’ve all enjoyed yourself, and learned something about the scientific process. Tell me – what have you taken away from it? (hopefully not any of my meat, you thieving bastards.)

Tomorrow: StinkyPete 1.5 begins!

Hello! My name is Peter C. Hayward, and I set up a stupidly expensive security system to work out what animal was stealing the plate of meat I’d left in my back yard…and succeeded!

It was a cat!

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, the mystery animal was a cat!

After setting up the security system (detailed in “Security Measures, Part I, II and III) myself, MeatGirl, and my little brother (henceforth referred to as “MeatBoy”) were sitting in the loungeroom, chatting and listening to music.

MeatBoy exclaimed something, but since he’s the youngest, everyone ignored him.

“Cat!” he repeated. “Cat, near the meat!”

Everyone’s heads spun around and we saw that he wasn’t lying – a cat could be clearly seen on the security screen!

I wasn’t recording on the VCR, so I grabbed my digital camera, turned it around onto “movie” mode, and recorded the screen for a few minutes:

We didn’t realise the camera recorded audio as well, so you can hear us discussing it. Voices, in order of appearance – MeatGirl (“He looks pretty guilty”), myself (“I pressed the button,”), Cannibal Kate (“I told you it was a dog or a cat!”) and MeatBoy (“This was a team effort Kate!”) – background music “Lollipop”, followed by “The Tale of Billy Brown”, both by Mika.

After recording the TV for a few minutes, I took the camera outside, and took a photo from the back door:

That is the guiltiest-looking cat I have ever seen.

I started to go down the stairs, but I hadn’t gone further than two steps before the cat fled. Skittish creature.

I don’t recognise it. I’ve never seen a cat in this neighbourhood before. I’ve thought about it long and hard, and have compiled a list of suspects:

Thief-cat; who could it be? List of suspects:

• John Scalzi’s bacon-cat

Think about it…it’s a cat, it clearly loves meat…it all adds up! I don’t know how it got here from America; I suspect that it flew, in some kind of bacon-fueled vehicle. Mr Scalzi, if you’re reading this, let me know if your cat came home late yesterday, its breath smelling of SPAM, traces of bolognaise on its collar…

Turns out cats like SPAM. Who knew?

If anyone wants to make any cat macros from Thief-Cat, be my guest. Post them in the comments, I’ll repost my favourites on the blog.

With that mystery solved, we took down the security equipment (it had served its purpose, and I didn’t want to risk it being stolen for any longer than I had to) and looked at the sorry remains of the meat.

Up next: The final daily update.