Gospel

The each of the gods have their own gospel, (also known as a "Bible" or "Holy book".

(note: the unholy gods do not refer to their gospels as Holy books.)

Priests of All-That-Is tend to get a bit narky about people making full copies of their Holy books (a large part of a priest's income can be from the manufacture and sale of Holy books) and so the bulk of each gospel is known only to those who own a copy.

Certain parts of each bible have made their way into public knowledge, however. Here are some examples:

The Gospel of Geoff

The Gospel of Geoff starts with the religion's creed: "A biscuit a day is quite delicious." This is normally delivered with a pause after "day".

It goes on to say "Two biscuits a day is even more delicious," continuing in this manner up to "31 biscuits a day, while delicious, may be pushing it a bit."

Nakira's Word

"Nakira's Word" is an expression used by people ironically, to emphasize a lie. "On Nakira's Word, I don't want to marry you." In addition, it is the name of the Bible of Nakira, God of Lies.

Nakira's Word tells more than 23 accounts of how she created the universe, starting with "It was a lie that got out of control". Other stories:

• "Bought it on sale"
• "Created 6 other universes as test runs, before settling on this one"
  • Worshippers of Nakira use this to explain where stories of the mythological creatures came from.
• "Lifted a pea, and there it was."
  • Regilious scholars are still trying to determine exactly what a "pea" is. Current philosophical theroy is that it is a special cushioned stool, used to rest one's feet upon.

The Gospel of Serra

The gospel of Serra, God of Apathy, is rumoured to be the shortest of all the gospels. Despite this, no one knows what it contains, as not a single worshipper of Serra has bothered to read it.

• It is assumed to contain the religion's creed, "Passionate about apathy."

The Gospel of Yashel

Priests of Yashel, God of Wealth, claim that his gospel contains the definitive story of creation. In order to access it, however, one has to be a Level 5 Bank of Yashel member, a position which costs over 5 000 gold to achieve. Other quotes from the gospel are known, however, including:

• "It is easier for a rich man to get into heaven than it is to jump over a gold coin."
• "It is much better to receive than to give."
• "The weight of one's money bag ought always be lighter than his heart."

Phanatat's Bible

Phanatat's Bible abruptly ends halfway through, with the immortal words "Will finish later." Every copy of Phanatat's Bible traditionally contains blank scroll equal in length to the completed verse.

• It also contains the story of the poor man, who approached one of Phanatat's worshippers on the street. The worshipper happily agreed to give the man some gold, however had to go and fetch it from home. When home, he put it off. Finally, eight years later, he got around to giving the poor man some gold, and discovered that the poor man had indepedently become one of the richest men in the city. This is cited by Phanatat's worshippers as evidence that procrastination helps the poor.

The Gospel of Yettle

The story of Yettle is said to be one of the greatest ever told. Tangents, twists, turns, tea. Sadly, it had not yet been told. But it is on the top of the list, once the Voice finishes his cup of tea.

The Gospel of Wesley Fake

Worshippers of Wesley Fake are not permitted to view their gospel until they are no longer under the delusion that gods exist. If they ever reach this point (known as "Enlightenment") then they no longer have any interest in seeing what the gospel says.

Frastaire's Choreograph

The Choreograph contains many pieces of advice for dancers, including the formal dress for priests - A top hat, white tie, and tails. Most of Frastaire's words are incredibly vague, which causes worshippers to endlessly ponder their meaning, and non-worshippers to look upon the god as a bit of a dill.

• Dancing is nice work, if you can get it.
• Put on the ritz.
  • "Ritz" is the Frastairian word for "best dancing costume". This is considered a metaphor, meaning "Work as hard as you can."
• Change partners.
• Face the music and dance.
• Hang on to me.
  • This is frequently put onto the cover of the Choreograph, to remind people not to let go of their faith.
• Kiss and make up.
• Pick yourself up.
• Kiss the bridegroom.
  • This has now become a tradition at Frastairian weddings.
• Be easy to dance with.
• Put all your eggs in one basket.
  • Angels are the only race that create eggs, and so communities of Frastaire-worshipping Angels don't individually raise their eggs, but build a giant basket, in which all the children are mixed up and taken care of as a whole.
• They can't take that away from you.
• Build a stairway to paradise.
• Bring on the girls.
• Every day in every way.
• I'm building up to an awful letdown.
  • This is perhaps the most depressing thing found in any gospel. Many Frastairians take this to mean that there is no afterlife, and the purpose of life is simply to dance and enjoy onesself.
  • Others believe it to be a simple spelling mistake, and that "awful" is meant to be "lawful", announcing that some day, there will be a huge musical apocolypse, destroying all of lawful alignment, leaving only the neutral and the chaotic.