Gospel

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The each of the gods have their own gospel, (also known as a "Bible" or "Holy book"*.

  • the unholy gods do not refer to their gospels as Holy books.

Priests of All-That-Is tend to get a bit narky about people making full copies of their Holy books (a large part of a priest's income can be from the manufacture and sale of Holy books) and so the bulk of each gospel is known only to those who own a copy.

Certain parts of each bible have made their way into public knowledge, however. Here are some examples:

The Gospel of Geoff

The Gospel of Geoff starts with the religion's creed: "A biscuit a day is quite delicious." This is normally delivered with a pause after "day".

It goes on to say "Two biscuits a day is even more delicious," continuing in this manner up to "31 biscuits a day, while delicious, may be pushing it a bit."

Nakira's Word

"Nakira's Word" is an expression used by people ironically, to emphasize a lie. "On Nakira's Word, I don't want to marry you." In addition, it is the name of the Bible of Nakira, God of Lies.

Nakira's Word tells more than 23 accounts of how she created the universe, starting with "It was a lie that got out of control". Other stories:

  • "Bought it on sale"
  • "Created 6 other universes as test runs, before settling on this one"
  • "Lifted a pea, and there it was."
    • Regilious scholars are still trying to determine exactly what a "pea" is. Current philosophical theroy is that it is a special cushioned stool, used to rest one's feet upon.

The Gospel of Serra

The gospel of Serra, God of Apathy, is rumoured to be the shortest of all the gospels. Despite this, no one knows what it contains, as not a single worshipper of Serra has bothered to read it.

  • It is assumed to contain the religion's creed, "Passionate about apathy."

The Gospel of Yashel

Priests of Yashel, God of Wealth, claim that his gospel contains the definitive story of creation. In order to access it, however, one has to be a Level 5 Bank of Yashel member, a position which costs over 5 000 gold to achieve. Other quotes from the gospel are known, however, including:

  • "It is easier for a rich man to get into heaven than it is to jump over a gold coin."
  • "It is much better to receive than to give."
  • "The weight of one's money bag ought always be lighter than his heart."

Phanatat's Bible

Phanatat's Bible abruptly ends halfway through, with the immortal words "Will finish later." Every copy of Phanatat's Bible traditionally contains blank scroll equal in length to the completed verse.

  • It also contains the story of the poor man, who approached one of Phanatat's worshippers on the street. The worshipper happily agreed to give the man some gold, however had to go and fetch it from home. When home, he put it off. Finally, eight years later, he got around to giving the poor man some gold, and discovered that the poor man had indepedently become one of the richest men in the city. This is cited by Phanatat's worshippers as evidence that procrastination helps the poor.

The Gospel of Yettle

The story of Yettle is said to be one of the greatest ever told. Tangents, twists, turns, tea. Sadly, it had not yet been told. But it is on the top of the list, once the Voice finishes his cup of tea.